I love the show. I love watching the people come in as big as they are and making really great progress and getting really wonderful results by the end of the show. But as I was watching the show, I realized that I am one of them. I may not be 623 pounds... but I feel like I am. The same struggles they have with themselves, are the same struggles I have with myself, and they are not good struggles to have. But if there is one thing that I have gotten out of the show... it is these two things...
1. I have done this to myself. I have let myself get this big and I can blame no one else for it.
2. I have the courage and the ability to do something about it, so why haven't I done it yet?
And thats when I set some goals for myself this summer. I really want to lose up to 70 pounds. I know that this is probably an unrealistic goal for the few months of summer, but I would like to at least lose 25-30 pounds this summer. If more comes off, then that's great. Not only do I want to look good for myself, but I really want to be as healthy as I can be. I am 20 years old and I am 240 pounds. I will admit, I'm a bit ashamed of that and I always care what people will think when I say I weight that much but right now, I need to do this for me. I need to accept that I have let myself get this way and that I am ready to lose as much as I can to be back at a healthy weight for myself. I want to be able to have children and be healthy for them, I want to be able to run around while I'm doing photography without getting out of breath... I honestly just want to live and be happy while I'm doing it. I want to feel alive.
I have decided to do the 17 day diet that my Mom and Step-Dad are currently doing right now. I am going to start after my graduation on June 24 and I am NOT going to give up this time. I am going to work my butt off like the people on The Biggest Loser does. I may not have the gym equipment like they do, but I have a treadmill and I have swimming and I can create my own workout routine. I just want to be healthy and to be honest with you, I can't wait to start this change in my life <3
I'll do a brief update on how happy I am with other aspects of my life and the struggles I'm having too lol. I feel really lucky to have the boyfriend that I have.. He's just an amazing guy... I am one of the very few lucky women in this world to have such an amazing man in my life <3 I feel so blessed. God has treated me so well. I am very stressed out with my Final phase coming to a close but, I'm just going to put all of my faith in the hard work I've been doing and just pray that I do great on my final. I'm so proud of myself and how much I've progressed with my photography. Before I came to school, I was talking to my grampie and I said, but Grampie, what if I fail.. and he said..." Well... if you fail, at least we will know it's not because you didn't try." I have tried my hardest at this school, and though I have some confidence that I will do fine, if I don't, I will know that I tried as hard as I could.
Onto the last part of my blog.. this part is very personal to me and I wish to share this with my friends and family,
This girl has become one of my very good good friends. We have been writing letters back and forth to each other and just included each other in our lives. And she has been such an inspiration to me. Like myself, Kalea has a lot of self issues with her body and shares the same feeling about hers as I do mine. But I think she is absolutely beautiful. Kalea has started to take pictures of herself to try and accept her beauty and I just admire her so much for this. I just think she is so beautiful and I wish that I could take a photograph such as the ones that I have shown you of her above. I'm too scared to even take a picture with a shirt on let alone one shirtless. This girl has honestly been such an inspiration to me... I really look up to her and hope to be half the person that she is one day. Thank you for being in my life Kalea <3 Love you girl <3
And that is all she wrote!! Have a good night all!!
-Kayla
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