my life as I know it: Update with the Kayla.

Well where should I start? A lot has been going on in life and personally with myself. Mostly personal stuff though.

At school right now, we are all rushing to get our phase four final done. We have to have 27 images in like... 4 weeks. And I'm starting to panic. A lot of my models have been quitting on me and so it's been really hard for me to get images of people. So I've honestly been really stressing over it... but I will make it through like I always do.

As for personal stuff... blah. I just have some major self issues. I hate the way I look. And I know it's easy for people to say, "well Kayla just stop complaining and do something about it." But I really honestly don't think people understand, food is honestly like an addiction. I cannot help myself when I'm around it. It's like an alcoholic needing their alcohol... a heroin addict needing their heroin, a cocaine addict needing their cocaine. It's the same exact thing. I need food when I crave it. I can also tell myself that I'm going to exercise, but actually doing it is a huge struggle for me. It takes every bit of strength I have in my body to exercise. Just walking from point A to B is a struggle for me. I really am trying to work on things. Each day gets bit better but... it's a big struggle for me. I am going to get help when I get out of school. When I come back home from school, I will be getting back in touch with my counselor and working this out.

Garrett and I had a rough patch for a while but we are much better now. We spent a weekend away from each other and it was really good for us. We are much closer now and are back to laughing and joking and loving each other like we usually do! I just love him. I'm really worried about after school, if we're going to make it or not. But if it's true love, we'll make it through.

I'm home right now for Easter. I enjoy being home so much, I just want to be home now... I think I'm ready to be done school. I really really love the place that I'm at now... I love that house.. and I really wish that I could buy it when I'm done school but... there's no way I'm going to be able to do that. I'm also really stressed about the student loan I'm going to have to pay back for basically the rest of my life after school. Like... I don't want to live the rest of my life at home and I'm really worried that I'm going to have to. I try to block it from my mind because, I get so down about it. I hope I can just be a really great successful person. At the moment, I'm feeling really down about my work. I keep offering free sessions and pictures but, nobody is making a photo session with me. Which is making me really sad and upset. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough. But I know I'll get some stuff soon.

I'm going to post a few images .. they'll be random so I'll put captions underneath them. Have a good night everyone <3