Lately, all I can see when I look in mirror is an 800 pound looking woman. Although I'm not 800 pounds or anywhere near that, that is all I see when I look at myself. And it is also how I feel when I'm walking from my house to my car, when I'm laying don on the couch watching TV, as I'm typing this blog post. I feel like a disgrace to the planet, like I shouldn't even be allowed to live here. God has given me such a wonderful gift by having a life here on Earth, and I'm not living it very well. I have an eating disorder. I am addicted to food. I purge. When I wake up in the morning, I wonder what I'm going to be eating for supper. It's sick. It is a constant struggle and everyday that I make it through, I feel I have survived. Many people think "well she's just a fatty , she could stop eating so much food if she wanted to" and it's just not true. I honestly cannot help myself when I am purging. It's like a drug. The more I eat, the more I want. It's an addiction and it's a horrible one. I am not happy with myself or the life I am leading right now. I am going to be dead before I'm 45 if I keep going the way I am and I don't want that.
So with all this being said... I am basically begging for all the support I can get. I need to be pushed to get out of this slump that I'm in. I need to get off my ass ( scuse my language ) and start working out, start eating right. And I know I can do this because I did it last summer and lost a lot of inches. Right now, I'm feeling really weak, with no motivation at all. Not like I did last summer. When I get home from Mass ( which I'll be back June 30th ) I'm going to start the 17 day diet with my Mom and Step Dad and I'll have a treadmill at my disposal along with some yoga and pilates.
So.. with inspiration from my friend, Kalea, I'm going to start taking pictures of myself to get a better self appreciation for myself. It'll also show the journey I go through when I start dieting when I get home. Not only will this be a self appreciation project, but it'll be a way for you guys to get to know me a bit more. I'll be taking pictures of habits I may have whether that be good or bad, and just different ways to express how I'm feeling that day.. It may be a daily thing or it may be a weekly thing, either way, you'll be getting pictures. I need to start believing in myself... and I'm going to start changing my life NOW!
Kay, I know EXACTLY how you feel, along with thousands of girls out there. Food addiction can be just as dangerous as any other addiction, and probably much harder because you HAVE to eat to live unlike smoking, drinking,etc. None the less, an addiction is an addiction and they are hard to overcome no matter what it is. I will be here to encourage you and support you, and I will help you get over this negative persona you have of yourself. We can do this, we can stick to it, we can help each other, encourage, and support each other and we can overcome our addiction together! I love you!
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